Almost
by Vhii1217
Summary: Light almost liked Ryuzaki, yet he almost hated L. Almost. But never wholly. That was why he couldn't decide whether or not should he kill L.


_Almost_

_Ryuzaki was almost lovable when he sipped his tea and said, 'If Light-kun were Kira, I will be in turmoil, because Light-kun is… my very first friend'_, Light thought.

He almost hated L for being so annoying. The detective's suspicion towards Light was almost nonsense, but L was tough in embracing his belief. If he believed so, nothing could be essential enough to change it. L was gifted to be able to believing in right thing, and that was the most annoying part.

There were thousand reasons why Light should resent the detective. He should resent Ryuzaki for being so weird, childish, moody, and somehow idiotic. He _must _hate L for being the biggest obstacle in his divine plan, for his suspicion towards Light no matter how hard Light had tried to vanish it, and for his I'm-always-right way of looking at everyone.

Light's degree of certainty was almost 100 percent when Rem said she could kill L. But, for a reason he didn't know what, he hoped the day of murder wouldn't come so fast. And that oblivious one reason had shattered the thousand causes of his resentment towards the quirky private eye.

"I think you doubt your decision to kill L because you two have declared the friendship thing," said Ryuk.

"No, I just followed his way of thinking. I'd said before that if he needs any friendship, I'll give him," that was how Light convinced Ryuk. That he never got the Death Note for nothing. That he would never waste the chance to be a God. That he would never give in to his sentimental flank. Ryuk was fairly easy to convince. It was way harder to convince himself.

_I never expected Ryuzaki to say something so cheesy like 'Light-kun is my very first friend'. He didn't look like faking his words. If he were in fact just pretending, then he is a dangerously professional actor._

The fact that his belief grew weaker just by that simple statement annoyed Light very much. This annoyance was almost enough to make him hate L to death. Almost enough to convince him to kill L before his belief faded. But it was only almost, never whole. L was his enemy, but Ryuzaki was his friend. He wanted to kill L very badly, but Ryuzaki… Light cursed himself for having such a feeling towards the childish sweets-freak guy.

Sometimes Light thought that he and Ryuzaki shared a same fate. They were driven by two big powers who proudly stated themselves as 'law'. Kira was the brain behind all Light's movements, yet L was the one who drove Ryuzaki's every deed. Kira resented L and vice versa, but Light and Ryuzaki had nothing to do with each other. In fact, Light and Ryuzaki were true friends. As long as Light was there, he was the shield of Ryuzaki. He prevented Kira from harming Ryuzaki, and therefore he indirectly saved L from being a victim to Kira.

When Light saw the slim detective soaked wet on the rooftop, he found neither Ryuzaki nor L. He finally met the real brain behind all L and Ryuzaki's movements. L and Ryuzaki were only masks to wear, puppets to play, robots to control. Ryuzaki was the innocent-pure-eccentric-friendly(as sincere as everyone could wish) mask, yet L was the firm-genius-nonchalant-charming face. But even the great L was not the mastermind. There was another layer that plotted all of those complicated maneuvers. Another person who directed all scenarios. And that person—who was expected to be super-cold, strong and more than genius-- was surprisingly vulnerable and lost under the tears of heaven. If Ryuzaki and L were acting perfectly so far, Light learned that this new form of the most brilliant investigator in the world was not as good in acting. He was the director behind the scenes, or maybe a very superior observer and supervisor, but he was not the stage actor. He showed his weakness a bit too obvious, but what Light still doubted was if this were one of his strategies: gambling between choices, whether Light or Kira who won the competition. If it were Light, he saved and won the gamble. If it were Kira, he lost and ended there. Bet his life for the sake of human beings.

Light almost gave in to his humanist side. Almost. _But no way, it's now or never_, Kira told Light. _Now is the time, when there is no Ryuzaki to make Light doubt and no L to make Kira trapped. Now or never._

-

It was very late at early morning. In front of a giant monitor, Light cursed himself. He was torn between satisfied and regretting.

"Does Light-kun have something in his mind?" There came that innocent voice from the munching panda-ish detective.

"Nothing, Ryuzaki. I'm just thinking about taking a rest. I think I'm tired."

"I suggest Light-kun to sleep," L tilted his head, then gazed back his computer screen.

"I think so. I can't think properly now," Light yawned. "Don't you want to sleep?"

"I've just slept, Light-kun, thank you. It will be a waste of time if I do it again now."

Light shrugged. "Up to you. But if I'm not mistaking, the last time you slept is two days ago. And only for three hours."

"Light-kun's memory is very good."

Light exhaled. "That's not what matters, Ryuzaki. You'll get sick if you don't get enough rest."

"Thank you for Light-kun's concern, but I'm alright," L said, biting one of his cookies. "To be honest, beside Watari, Light-kun is the only one who cares."

Light smiled. "Because you are my friend, Ryuzaki."

Light walked into his room. Just when he disappeared from his sight, L whispered, "Kira-kun, as long as you can't decide whether you wholeheartedly like me or hate me, you will not be able to kill me. That's why I won this gamble."

-

A.N: I'm sorry, this is just another common low-class fanfic coming from me. The idea came suddenly and I am not able to write it properly. Please forgive me, I wrote plus edited this at one o'clock at early morning. I even can't tell the focus of this story. The point is Light was torn between whether or not should he kill L. He never liked nor hated L fully, so it was hard to decide.

I'm sorry for the twist ending too. I love L, I can't kill him.

Reviews are to be appreciated, even if all you said is 'This is garbage'. Of course I hope it's not that bad, but I admit this is not as good as my other fanfics (even though my other fanfics aren't special too).

Thank you so much for those who read (and review)! You rock!


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